Set Higher Standards by YogiRavi

One of my favorites sayings (not sure who to attribute it to):

“Who you are speaks so loudly, I can hardly hear a word you are saying”

When you have nothing to prove and are acting out of sheer joy, interest, kindness and support – you end up making a far bigger impact than you could ever try to make. Think about that the next time you are trying to create a change at your place of work, home or in a relationship.

(note: I edited the quote after I published this….had the first part wrong)

What you (or a customer, or a partner, etc.) do is far more powerful than what you say. We know in marketing that the best form of marketing is a referral from someone who has actually used and can vouch for a product. In family situations, kids learn best not by being told what to do, but by watching their parents and siblings. I witnessed this first-hand by observing my niece (who is almost 2) learn new words and skills just by watching others!

In whatever you do, if you want to be at cause – that is to say, if you want to create a change in any part of your workplace or you personal life – take action and let those actions speak for themselves. People will also be more receptive to a new idea if they aren’t sold on it. Best let them learn from your example.

Discipline is probably the single biggest factor to personal success in anything. Back in high school I knew quite a few friends who seemed to do pretty well in school and sports by doing the bare minimum – or at least a pretty modest amount of work. They did just enough homework, just enough studying, just enough training to do OK – and let some natural talent pick up the slack. However, those who really excelled at their craft – they were incredibly disciplined.

The people at the top of the class worked incredibly hard. The people making the state team in swimming put in tons of yardage in the pool during the season AND off-season. There was a big difference between those who did OK and those who really excelled – and those who stood out really had a strong work ethic (and in the case of sports, some good talent to boot).

The thing about discipline is that it is cumulative. If you are disciplined enough to eat a “salad with every meal” (something I frequently do) – over time – your body will reap the benefits. You will get the proper nutrients into your system, have less room in your belly for garbage and learn to like the taste of salad. It is cumulative and works its magic over months of practice, not after just a few days.

If you are disciplined enough to go to bed 1 hour earlier every night and get up 1 hour earlier every morning – you’ll reap the benefits over the long term. You’ll get extra quality time when the world is asleep to get work done. You’ll be more apt to exercise and move in the morning before settling into a sedentary routine (assuming you have a desk job or sit in a classroom all day). You’ll also have less opportunity to give into the late night munchies (a bad side affect of staying up too late!). Discipline with your time in this way will pay huge dividends over a few months (maybe even in a few weeks) – but you need to give it time.

The challenge with discipline is that it requires you to make an effort consistently over an extended period of time. The upshot is that after a certain point – the discipline becomes “the norm” and no longer requires effort. Getting to this point, though, has been the bane of many new years resolutions!

Think about where in your life you could use a little more discipline. How will a new or improved habit change the quality of your life for the better over the long term? What is stopping you from doing it now? Try out that new way of being for 30 days and see what happens.

Listening to the audio book for How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Read Part 1 and Part 2 for insights from the earlier portions of the book. Here are some insights from this evening’s listening:

• See things always from another person’s point of view – always, try as hard as you can to do this
• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
• Appeal to people’s nobler motives
• Use showmanship to get attention – movies do it, TV does it, window displays do it – and it works
• You can dramatize ideas in business or any other part of life – works great when dealing with adults and kids! Dramatize facts to make a point in a business setting. Use props if necessary to get your point across
• The way to get things done is to stimulate competition – in a healthy and productive way, throw down a challenge and see what happens!
• Work is the most motivating force for any worker, not money, benefits or anything else – quality and interesting work is the single biggest tool to keep people interested in their job
• Let other people do a great deal of the talking in any conversation
• It’s always easier to listen to criticism after you have given someone some praise – never just criticize, always see the positive aspects and comment on them first – them provide your thoughtful critique
• Providing criticism after praise is a technique used by many world leaders past and present (Lincoln, Coolidge, McKinley, etc.) in motivating staff an leading without making people feel bad
• Beginning with praise is like a dentist that begins with Novocaine!
• There is a way to redirect/correct/criticism without upsetting people – make others feel important (praise) while correcting
• People judge us by our “letters” – small errors, like spelling errors, make a big impression
• Humbling oneself and praising another can turn a staunch adversary into a close friend
• Admitting one’s own mistakes can motivate others to change their behavior for the better. For example, by quitting smoking – parents will set a positive example that children and friends will notice (and potentially follow)
• A good leader talks about their own mistakes before criticizing others

Listening to “How to Win Friends and Influence People ” by Dale Carnegie again. Here are some stream of conscious nuggets I’m picking up while listening. Read Part I for more nuggets.

• The best way to win an argument, is to avoid it.
• Quit telling people they are wrong, after all, how do you really know? You might be the one who is wrong. In other words, get used to admitting that you, in fact, might be wrong. It’s a disarming approach when dealing with people and shows respect for others opinions. Admitting you might be wrong will never get you into trouble.
• The word “My” has incredible force and impact. Use it carefully.
• Agree with your adversary quickly! Don’t argue with a customer, spouse or enemy. Use diplomacy.
• Never say to someone else “you’re wrong”.
• If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically!
• A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of “gaul”.
• The more yes’s you can induce from others early in a conversation – the positive momentum you can achieve toward a desired outcome. Saying yes is a powerful thing.
• Let others do a great deal of talking. Don’t interrupt others. Listen patiently and sincerely.
• Encourage others to express their ideas fully.

Listening to “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie (again). There are thousands of books on self-help and business leadership out there but this is definitely the one that matters. I like listening to the audio book version. It forces me to take in every word whereas in print form I end up reading quickly ahead.

A few insights from listening so far:

• The ability to properly deal with people is by far the biggest factor in becoming a successful leader.
• People respond more favorably to praise then criticism.
• It is far easier to make friends by being genuinely interested in others, than it is to try to get others to be genuinely interested in you.
• To get someone to pay attention to you, focus on what they care about NOT what you care about. Start from that perspective and they will be motivated to hear what you have to say.
• Fake it ’till you make it. If you smile even when you aren’t happy, you will begin to feel cheerful.
• There is only one sure way to find happiness, and that is through controlling your thoughts. It is not what you are doing that makes you happy, it is all about your mental attitude.
• Do not fear being misunderstood and do not fear your enemies – keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do.
• All things come through desire, we become the things in which our hearts are fixed.
• Names are important, if you are genuinely interested in people – you’ll have an easier time remembering. People are more interested in their own name than in all the other names put together.

If you haven’t read or listened to it yet – do it!