Set Higher Standards by YogiRavi

I’ve had my fair share of challenging conversations over the years. It can be tough to deliver a challenging message at work, take critical feedback, deal with an emotional family situation or stand up for what you believe – even when it means going against the views of someone else.

How do you deal with such situations and the people involved?

One option is to get angry, frustrated and label the other party as wrong and maybe even totally psycho! Put the blame on the other person, protect your own ego and make it a story of “me vs them”. This option might feel good initially, but will inevitably lead to more frustration, anger and rarely will solve the issue at hand. It is far more likely that you will enrage the other party, cause more resentment and ill will between everyone. Not to mention the sleepless nights spent tossing and turning worrying about the issue.

Another option is to assume the best and highest intentions for the other person involved. Don’t cast them off as psycho. Don’t belittle their ideas. Don’t make them evil. Don’t create a story of “me vs we” or “us vs them”. Instead, assume that they are behaving the way they are because at some level, deep down, they truly believe it and it serves some higher purpose for them. Assume that in their view of the world, they are right and doing the right thing.

You do NOT need to agree with their point of view. You only need to assume that they have a reason for it, and that their intention is good. You may need to really do some soul-searching to find that good intention – but it will be there if you look hard enough.

This applies even in extreme cases – where lives (or entire ways of life) are at risk or big sums of money are at stake. Even for people the public might condemn as murderers and felons, there is some seed of intention and higher purpose for what they have done. Even if that purpose serves only the individual and not the other person (or people/community) involved. It is still there.

For less  extreme cases – this is also true. Let’s take the example of a disagreement at work with a co-worker. You might not agree on an issue, but if you start a conversation by assuming their best intention (they are trying to help, build a stronger team, solve a hard problem, etc.) then you immediately have common ground and can move forward to find a resolution. You don’t have to agree with their actions, but how can you doubt their intentions? How do you know what is going on in their head? You don’t, so take the “high road” and assume the best.

At some level everyone is right in their own mind and any dialogue needs to start with acknowledging that in your own mind and internal dialogue. The alternative is to assume they are out to get you in some way…and that way of thinking just leads to stress and despair.

I prefer the way of thinking that lets me sleep well at night.

Managing your energy is far more important than just managing your time.

Keep a log of how you feel during the day based on your energy level.

Over time see how hydration, nutrition, sleep, training and work schedules impact your energy.

Then, make adjustments to maximize your overall energy level, and make sure that your key activities during the day are aligned during the times when you have the most energy to give.

For example, I know that hydration has a HUGE impact on my energy level. I also know I tend to have the most energy between 9-Noon. After noon (and until 3-4pm or so), I’m essentially useless . Later in the evening, I get a second wind around 9-10pm but if I take advantage of that I will pay the price by feeling awful the next day.

Knowing this I focus on getting creative tasks at work done in the morning before lunch, and do my training in the evening around 5-7pm. I carry a water bottle with me and hydrate constantly during the day – especially when teaching lots of yoga or training more in hot weather.

I don’t believe that it is necessary or even possible to feel awesome ALL of the time. Instead, strive to do your best to feel good MOST of the time, and focus on making use of that productive time to do something worthwhile.

A typical lunch during the week, a super large salad with grilled tofu and peanuts at the cafe at work. Yes, we have an awesome cafe!

1. Make friends with your past.

2. Live in the present.

3. Be optimistic about the future.

…go on and be happy.

Tulips in La Conner, WA during the Tulip Festival a few years ago. It's almost that time of year again.

The things you do every day, repeatedly, end up shaping you. Waking up early. Eating natural food. Drinking plenty of clean water. Working hard. Being nice to people just because you can. Being grateful. Giving others the benefit of the doubt. Helping when and where you can with whatever you can offer. Saying sorry when you mess up…

I’ve listed many positive habits but the same holds true for the not so positive ones. Watch over your habits for you will…slowly but inevitably…become them.

(Pic taken by me in the Galapagos Islands in December 2010. One of my habits is to travel…and visit a new country every year.)

Sometimes I hear or read something that makes my jaw drop and puts all the problems and nagging things in my life in complete perspective.Today was one of those days.

Driving home from work today, annoyed at the traffic on my short 5 mile commute – and dreading my impending 5 mile run in the cold pouring rain…… NPR played a story about Shin In Geun.

He is, as far as we know, the only prisoner to escape from the horrid (and rarely talked about) political prison camps in North Korea. He was born into the camp, and lived there for 23 years…under the most extreme conditions.

He has been free for 7 years now, and The Guardian has an amazing story about him. It boggles my mind that these camps have ever existed…but is even more disturbing to think that in this modern-day and age…they STILL EXIST. The US State Department estimates ~200,000 people are in North Korean labor camp prisons right now.

Blaine Harden, an author and journalist, has just published a book about Shin’s ordeal – “Escape from Camp 14“. You can find articles and interviews about it on his website and get it on your Amazon Kindle now.

I think a bigger predictor of if someone will achieve a goal or not is based on their ability to see things as they are, not their ability to envision a brighter future. Envisioning can be the easy part. It gets the juices flowing and creates motivation.

However the trickier part is honestly assessing the current state of affairs. It’s only through understanding how things are showing up for you, right now in the moment, that you can know what first steps are required to make progress toward the brighter future state. It’s through the polarity created in comparing today vs tomorrow that change can manifest, not unlike the current flowing through a circuit.

Pic of an elephant hanging out in one of our office buildings…

After 12 years on my own post-college and renting all these years, I am now a homeowner!

The whole thing came about suddenly. I started thinking about potentially getting my own place 4 months ago, but didn’t start actually searching online until 3 months ago. 2 months ago I started visiting open houses and about 1.5 months ago I found a place, put in an offer….and got the keys last week!

I expected owning a home to feel like a burden, but it is exactly the opposite. It feels incredibly grounding and freeing at the same time.

Most of the house is empty (I’m coming from a small studio apartment) and I am in no rush to fill it right now, just enjoying the empty space…and small yard!

If anyone has a reason to be angry at the world it is 108 year old Nazi holocaust survivor Alice Herz Summer.

She lost her family. She suffered incredibly at the hands of her captors. However, what is so remarkable is that she isn’t angry. Not at all. She considers herself as “optimistic and laughing from the beginning of my life.” She lives by herself, plays the piano daily and has an outlook on life that we can all learn from. For her, life is never terrible…it is a gift.

What I took away from this video is:

• Be grateful for everything – a smile, the sun, “everything is a present”
• Never hate, we are all sometimes good and sometimes bad
• Things are not so terrible, no matter what you might think
• Focus on the good and learn from the bad
• Learn, learn, never stop learning
• Music is her food, her religion…and her medicine…”Bach is better than 100 pills!”

For me, the most powerful insight comes 10 minutes into the video…..”living ones life backwards.”

Take 12 minutes out of your day and watch this video. I’ve watched it several times already since this morning. It is guaranteed to shift your perspective in a positive way.

A “Winnable Gap” is a realistic and tangible first step of progress in the context of a larger goal.It is something you can accomplish without requiring any significant shift in your own state of affairs beyond your capacity to focus and dedicate some time to moving towards it.

You might have a goal of being financially independent in the next 10 years, but the Winnable Gap might be eliminating your credit card debt or creating a system to begin paying down that debt if the sum is overly large.

If your goal if to complete a marathon and you have never “run” before in your life, your Winnable Gap might be to complete a 5K, even if it means walking the entire thing.

The ability to both set big audacious goals and also determine your Winnable Gap are equally important. Without accomplishing the things that are near-term and realistic, your lofty goals will remain a pipe dream.

It can take a leap of faith to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.