Set Higher Standards by YogiRavi

I’ve had my fair share of challenging conversations over the years. It can be tough to deliver a challenging message at work, take critical feedback, deal with an emotional family situation or stand up for what you believe – even when it means going against the views of someone else.

How do you deal with such situations and the people involved?

One option is to get angry, frustrated and label the other party as wrong and maybe even totally psycho! Put the blame on the other person, protect your own ego and make it a story of “me vs them”. This option might feel good initially, but will inevitably lead to more frustration, anger and rarely will solve the issue at hand. It is far more likely that you will enrage the other party, cause more resentment and ill will between everyone. Not to mention the sleepless nights spent tossing and turning worrying about the issue.

Another option is to assume the best and highest intentions for the other person involved. Don’t cast them off as psycho. Don’t belittle their ideas. Don’t make them evil. Don’t create a story of “me vs we” or “us vs them”. Instead, assume that they are behaving the way they are because at some level, deep down, they truly believe it and it serves some higher purpose for them. Assume that in their view of the world, they are right and doing the right thing.

You do NOT need to agree with their point of view. You only need to assume that they have a reason for it, and that their intention is good. You may need to really do some soul-searching to find that good intention – but it will be there if you look hard enough.

This applies even in extreme cases – where lives (or entire ways of life) are at risk or big sums of money are at stake. Even for people the public might condemn as murderers and felons, there is some seed of intention and higher purpose for what they have done. Even if that purpose serves only the individual and not the other person (or people/community) involved. It is still there.

For less  extreme cases – this is also true. Let’s take the example of a disagreement at work with a co-worker. You might not agree on an issue, but if you start a conversation by assuming their best intention (they are trying to help, build a stronger team, solve a hard problem, etc.) then you immediately have common ground and can move forward to find a resolution. You don’t have to agree with their actions, but how can you doubt their intentions? How do you know what is going on in their head? You don’t, so take the “high road” and assume the best.

At some level everyone is right in their own mind and any dialogue needs to start with acknowledging that in your own mind and internal dialogue. The alternative is to assume they are out to get you in some way…and that way of thinking just leads to stress and despair.

I prefer the way of thinking that lets me sleep well at night.

A lone Bison in the dead of winter, solely focused on finding food. Yellowstone National Park. By Ravi Raman.

Once you have set a goal and motivated yourself to get started, following through and finishing it is the next stumbling block. I have a friend who at one time had a list of almost 100 goals written down that he carried on a piece of paper with him in his wallet at all times. He felt they were all worthwhile and stressed about having to make progress on all of them.

Sound crazy? How many of those goals do you think he accomplished? Setting goals can be the easy part, making initial progress and then actually achieving something meaningful is far more difficult.

Another example can be found at your local gym. In January it was probably packed with people working towards their new years resolutions. Now look around, you will see far fewer people.

Finishing what you start can be a lot easier when you are really clear on why you are going after a goal to begin with. During your goal setting process, write a page (by hand ideally) about how your life will be different once the goal is achieved. Re-read this every week.

You can also perform a trick I like to do. Take your goal page, put it in an self addressed envelope and give it to a friend. Have them mail it to you in a few weeks. Write your goal page as a letter to yourself. Better yet, make a few copies and have a few friends mail it back to you at different intervals.

Doing this also makes you realize that having a ton of goals can be counter-productive and an overall distraction. The same thing applies to daily to-do lists and tactical things you need to get done. Focus on the one big thing and everything else will fall in order.

It helps to have just a few goals, but make sure they are really meaningful (which usually means they are challenging ones). It will be easier to focus and the payoff will be worth it. Instead of 100 or even 10 or 5 goals, start with just one big one!

Harvard Business Review has some other good ideas for staying committed and following through on your goals.

Today was a big day.

I don’t talk about my work on this blog but I was proud to a Microsoft Employee today and happy to see the world get a glimpse of what I’ve been up to for the past several years.

We’ve got a long road ahead but so far the feedback has been positive and I’m looking forward to delivering something that I’m proud to use myself, and proud to tell me my friends and family to use (even those of you with Macs and iPads!).

Attachment is having a “hangup”. It’s a stickiness or a blocking (as described by Zen teacher Alan Watts).

It’s about having a hangup on the things we are told by our parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, bosses and peer groups. Things that define what we do, what we think about the things we do (or don’t manage to do) and how we feel about those things.

We create elaborate mental models based on peer feedback about how we should relate to the world. Some things are helpful –> like ‘don’t put your hand in a fire.’ Others are less helpful –> ‘successful people must drive a nice car,  live in larger homes and work endlessly day and night until they are 65.’

In yoga we learn to not be attached.

This means, listening to what people say – but then not getting “hung up” on those things.

This means, going through life without the burden of needing to conform to some pre-fabricated and outwardly imposed model of the universe. Instead, it means going through life with the curiosity of a living organism that interacts with the environment – as part of the environment – and relates to the world based on what is actually showing up – not based on what someone told you or what something is called.

A tree is a tree not because it is called “tree,” but because it is what it is – beyond just an image in your mind or words.

This is non-attachment.

Things mean whatever you want them to mean.

An exercise routine might seem like torture to some but pleasure to others.

Critical feedback on a project might seem like ridicule to some but coaching to others.

A declining stock portfolio might seem like an opportunity to buy-in at lower prices to some but a significant loss in net worth to others.

If you have the power to define what things mean in your life, why not choose an empowering meaning?

Underside of the Spaceneedle in Seattle. I took this photo today, during the Wanderlust Seattle Yoga Practice held in the grassy lawn just below the needle.

Thanks to everyone who responded to the survey. I’m keeping it open in case you haven’t had a chance to fill it out. It only takes 3 minutes and I read every response!

There were 74 completes, far more than I expected. I learned a lot from reading through the verbatim feedback. For the majority, there was no overwhelmingly strong desire to see more or less of any type of content on this blog. The most common feedback was “just keep doing what you are doing” or “keep writing about stuff that is interesting to you and whoever is interested will read it, the rest won’t.” That’s good to know!

Here’s a few data points:

• Response rate was ~10%, with 74 completes and ~750 RSS/e-mail subscribers.
• Average reader age is 38 years old, with a standard deviation of +/- 12 years.
• Youngest reader is 17.
• Most experienced (e.g. eldest ) reader is 68.
• 58% of readers are female.
• 70% get readers get posts delivered directly to their e-mail inbox.

The most interesting info came from the recap the open-ended responses to two questions, “Why do you read this blog?” and “What do you want to see on this blog going forward?”  I read every answer  thoroughly and here a couple Wordle‘s that do a nice job summarizing the major take-away’s.:

Answer to: "Why do you read this blog?"

Answer to: "What topics do you want to see on this blog going forward?"

If you have a blog, I highly recommend putting up  a survey. There are plenty of free tools, and you’ll learn a bunch. If you are a data geek like me, it can be good fun!

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how my blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health. Note: Since I moved my blog to WordPress part-way through the year, the stats are only from April-December 2010 :

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 82,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 4 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 87 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 538 posts. There were 54 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 34mb. That’s about 1 picture per week.

The busiest day of the year was October 13th with 733 views. The most popular post that day was This is your life.

Where did you come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, o-my-goodness.livejournal.com, stumbleupon.com, fourhourworkweek.com, and shaktivinyasa.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for fruit fast, vision board, how to alkalize your body, alkalize your body, and one set to failure.

Top attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

This is your life September 2010
2 comments

Energize Your Life by Alkalizing Your Body! April 2007
42 comments

Increase Your Endurance and Reduce Stress With One Simple Technique December 2006
92 comments

3-Day Fruit Fast Recap March 2009
34 comments

Be Great, Be Powerful Beyond Measure March 2010
2 comments

True fans

In terms of subscribers (people who view the blog in a RSS reader or get updates via e-mail)…..you can see the feedburner count in the sidebar of the website. In addition, some folks subscribe using the wordpress.com feed (not included in the feedburner total). Combined, I ended 2010 with 733 subscribers.

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Thanks to everyone who filled out the feedback survey (you can click to answer if you haven’t already). The feedback is helpful. I’ll summarize the top insights soon.

After a solid 2 weeks of ZERO RUNNING WHATSOEVER during my trip to Ecuador and the Galapagos, I start training again today (right after this post in fact!). My next race is the Copper Canyon Ultra-Marathon – a rugged 50 mile running race in Mexico on March 6th.  I may do a tune-up 50K or full marathon before then….but haven’t committed to anything yet.

Image by Scott Beale / Laughing Squid via CrunchBase

By now the internet has been set on fire by Tim Ferris‘s media blitz in promotion of his newest book, The 4-Hour Body. I’ve already ordered it and looking forward to learning some new “hacks” to increase my fitness and health.

Just like Tim’s last book, The Four Hour Workweek, the title of the new book implies peak results in little time. This is misleading. Even Tim is clear that the goal is not to just work for a few hours and sit around being bored. The point is to spend less time needing to do stuff and more time doing what you are passionate about.

In the same way, I am expecting The 4-Hour Body to provide great time efficient tips for growing strength and endurance, but the point won’t be to spend the other 164 hours of the week slouching around, sleeping and eating potato chips. The point is to integrate it into a lifestyle that is more active and physically aware. In other words, a 4-Hour Body style approach to fitness will give you the tools and motivation you need to make caring about physical well-being a natural and desired thing and not some tax you have to pay.

I also think that in the midst of all the hype around getting massive results quickly, we can jump to the conclusion that real effort and hard work is not required. This is a big mistake. Even if you only train for 4-Hours a month or 4-Hours a week, the level of intensity (I’m talking about physical and mental focus) needs to great. This is evident in Tim’s “Geek to Freak” experiment, which I also tried a few years ago.

If you are going to be in the gym for a few minutes a day and expect massive results, the intensity will need to be incredibly high. If you are going to go from 5K to 50K run in a few months (I just did this!), you need to be very diligent in how you train and focused in getting proper rest and having tons of mental strength to push through discomfort on race day.

This is the truth about a 4-Hour Body. It will take massive focus and lots of effort, though perhaps not a ton of time. The point is NOT to assume that less time and more efficiency = easy results!

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I’m heading tomorrow to XC Ski camp in the Methow Valley in Washington State. Should be a few fun days of snow-time and endurance training! I then fly to Ecuador for 10+ days exploring Quito, the surrounding highlands, maybe the rainforest and then on to the Galapagos Islands for a 6 days boat tour! I’ll drop a few updates to my blog if I find an internet cafe while traveling.

I’m doing a very short survey to better understand what you are looking for on this blog. I realize that in the last few years of blogging, I’ve never stopped to think who is actually reading it! The survey is ridiculously short, and will be super helpful for me in tuning the content to something that is less random, and more useful.

If you have 30 seconds to spare, please click the link below and answer a few questions. I’ll share the major themes of feedback (anonymous of course) with you all as well.

http://ravisraman.questionform.com/public/Set-Higher-Standards-1

I watched a recent talk by Getting Things Done (GTD) author David Allen. A ton of folks in the technology community like the approach, possibly because it appeals to highly structure folks and those that love to create systems and use technology in new and interesting ways. I have no doubt that the GTD system could work well for people. I tried it for a week, but honestly didn’t give it a full go. It seems like overkill to me. Too much process. There are some good things about it, like the notion of writing things doing vs keeping lots of things floating around in your head makes sense. Writing things down is a cathartic activity. That is to say it makes it feel like things are under control and less overwhelming, especially when there is a lot going on.

However, I think the GTD system can easily fall into the trap of being too much of a system. I have friends that get so caught up in the process of tracking their to-do‘s that they have far too little time and energy left to actually make progress on the to-do’s! There must be a better way. In fact, I know that there is.

I do something that is different from most people I know, but I think it is highly effective. I just the effectiveness of my “system” strictly based my response to the following questions on a daily basis:

• Am I confident with my direction in life?
• Am I contributing to the world in a positive way?

I feel like a good a good amount of stuff done. I generally do not feel stressed (maybe the yoga has something to do with that!) and don’t consider myself a work-aholic either. My technique is the anti-thesis of massive never-ending list keeping, prioritization and long to-do’s. I am a fan of occasional list-making, but that is not the super powerful technique.

Instead, my technique is simple. It just requires the accomplishment of ONE THING EVERY DAY.

That’s it: ONE THING.

The trick is, this ONE THING must be the one thing that makes you answer yes to both of the questions mentioned above at the end of the day. The first thing I do when I get into work every morning (well, after getting my coffee or tea!) is take out a post-it note or index card, and write down the ONE THING I want to accomplish during the day.

I write it out by hand, and stick the card in my pocket. I carry it around all day, and occasionally take it out and look at it. Come hell or high water, I will get that thing done. It doesn’t matter what happens. The sky could fall and I will still get the thing done. There could be 10 meetings in the day and I will get it done. There could be a blizzard and traffic hell (like the past few days) and I will get it done.

My ONE THING could be finishing a paper or presentation, reviewing a project and providing feedback, having a tough conversation with a team member, etc. The one thing I write down is usually something that requires a good degree of effort – in terms of focus, courage or creativity.

My "ONE THING" from a few days ago...finishing Joshua Slocum's book "Sailing Alone Around the World"

On weekends, I do the same thing….only instead of being a work-related thing, it is usually personal. My ONE THING on a weekend might be “finish a long run of over 3 hours with a smile on your face”. Or it might be “talk to Mom and Dad”. Or it might be “Finish reading that book!” Something like that.

The biggest trick is to not try to list out more than one thing. This is the trap….it’s easy to write down 10 things that must be done and accomplish none of them. Instead just write down the one thing you want to do, the one thing you will be PROUD OF DOING….and make sure you get it done. NO MATTER WHAT.

Think about it this way, if you do one big thing every day…over the course of the week you will have accomplished 7 noteworthy things, after a month you’ll have 30, and after a year you will have done a whopping 365 amazing things that required some degree of effort, courage, creativity, etc.

I have found in my own life that when do this every day, you end up by default accomplishing far more than just the one thing. Having the single point of focus is what makes it possible….your brain will start hunting out things and get the done…the trick here is focus. There is a saying that “how you do anything is how you do everything.” It is absolutely true. If you can accomplish ONE MEANINGFUL THING A DAY you can accomplish a lot more, but it must start with just one.

So there you have it, the most powerful technique for getting things done.

A CHALLENGE FOR YOU! Try it for yourself for the NEXT 10 DAYS. Every morning, write down on an index card the one thing you want to accomplish during the day. Make sure you get that thing done no matter what! At the end of the day, cross it off and be happy that you did something worthwhile. Keep the card visible on your desk and repeat for 10 days. After this challenge….look back on the 10 days and laugh at how much you were able to do, and how easy it was.

Give it a shot, leave a comment and let me know how it went!